Dennis Miller

It’s ironic that in our culture everyone’s biggest complaint is about not having enough time; yet nothing terrifies us more than the thought of eternity.

Johnny Carson

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.

George Carlin

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?

George Carlin

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

George Carlin

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam.

George Carlin

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

George Carlin

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.

Kyle Chandler

Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.

Joseph Campbell

Opportunities to find deeper powers within ourselves come when life seems most challenging.

Joseph Campbell

The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.